The “Practice of Homosexuality.”

Not surprisingly, the fantastic news of SCOTUS not hearing the appeals to overturn the lower courts’ decisions ruling against bans to gay marriage soon led to the normal conservative outrage. Thankfully, since I no longer listen to certain media, I have not seen too much of this, but it’s still out there. For example this post which claims there is no such thing as gay marriage because you can’t get pregnant–at least he is consistent in that he also calls out marriages with one man and one woman who choose not to have babies, not that he’s right, but he’s consistently wrong (wrong is not the word I want to use here, but I’m trying to be nice!).

And honestly neither he, nor I suspect, the other attacks against marriage equality and couples who happen to identify as the same gender are going to bring anything new to the table. There has been no recent discovery that proves their indefensible point, no study, no anything that adds any new weight to their side. Perhaps that’s why Michelle Bachman called the issue “boring” and Bryan Fischer laments that conservatives are giving up (link). It must get awfully boring to argue the same losing and hole riddled perspective over and over again in a shrinking echo chamber.

But what got me was a letter from the Virginia state leader of a main line denomination seen here. I will admit, to some degree, this just reaffirmed my Baptistness and issues with hierarchy. And yeah, I get it, if you do have a hierarchy and a polity then you are answerable to them even when you perform acts of righteousness. He also calls for a not far off discussion, and despite the fact that it is not my denomination, I can only pray and hope that doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly will lead them to the side of justice and recognizing the full humanity of all people.

The problem, though, was the Christian-ese which is nothing more than an updated form of “hate the sin; love the sinner.”

We, The United Methodist Church, welcome every person regardless of sexual orientation, but we do not condone the practice of homosexuality.

Imagine this for a moment with me.

You go to church and are told you are welcomed and loved, but we don’t recognize the legitimacy of your family–whether that’s just the two of you as a couple or more than two with children. How welcomed do you feel? How comfortable do you feel allowing your child to go to whatever children’s program there is knowing that your child’s family is seen as not really a family. “Regardless of sexual orientation” starts to feel a lot like “despite sexual orientation.”

But more than that is the whole “the practice of homosexuality.” What does that even mean? Or do we know exactly what that means. Does it really mean that it still comes down to sex? That for individuals who are in a relationship with someone of the same gender identity as themselves all that matters is how whatever bits we have interact? Romance, commitment, love, life together, none of that matters because we do sex “wrong”? Is that how they view marriages between two people one of whom is a woman and one a man?

I don’t practice homosexuality. Being a lesbian is part of who I am, and trust me, I tried not to be and failed spectacularly! But it’s about more than the healthy sexual relationship that I hope I one day have, when I meet someone. And when I do, it’ll be about a lot more than sex.

And you know what, if we, this woman I have not yet met and I, decide to have children, we can. We can even do it with one of us getting pregnant. Maybe not the same way as if one of us were a man, but it can still happen.

And if it’s about ick factor and only about sex, I gotta be honest, I don’t really like the practice of heterosexuality, but you know it’s not, or at least it really shouldn’t be.

Belief as Choice

By now I am sure that you have heard that the “ex-Gay” ministry Exodus International will be closing. Some of the language used in the announcement makes me hopeful that this reflects a larger “about-face” in the Conservative Christian movement.

“For quite some time we’ve been imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical.” (EI Closing announcement)

That is about as good as it gets right? That they are acknowledging that what they are doing honors neither humanity nor God–or at least is not supported by the Bible–is a statement of self-awareness that cannot help but engender hope.

But, in the same announcement, we are linked to the formal apology. There’s so much to comment on, including his opening analogy, and my goal here is not to tear Alan Chambers to shreds or to repeat the statements of some of “too little, too late.” For many individuals, this is true, and those loses are unconscionable. I believe, though, in reconciliation and redemption. I pray that Mr. Chambers and his colleagues will continue to grow and become tools of reconciliation. I do believe, that they should, at the very least, pause before just rolling over into a new ministry, but I’m sure there will be countless commenting on that aspect, so I’ll leave that for the time being to others.

What strikes me in Mr. Chambers apology are lines such as:

I cannot apologize for my deeply held biblical beliefs about the boundaries I see in scripture surrounding sex, but I will exercise my beliefs with great care and respect for those who do not share them.  I cannot apologize for my beliefs about marriage. (I am Sorry, EI)

For so many of us in the LGBTQ community, we’ve heard this. What Mr. Chambers is saying is nothing new to many of us.

We’ve heard it from our parents. We’ve heard it from friends who have abandoned us. We’ve heard it from ministers and pastors. We’ve heard it from seminary professors. We’ve heard it from politicians. We’ve heard this.

We’ve heard this as states have voted to deny us full rights. We’ve heard this as churches have denied us full fellowship. We’ve heard this as same-gendered or other queer parents are denied as being capable and loving parents. We’ve heard this as conservative Christians seek to protect their oppressive actions and claim to be bullied themselves. We’ve heard this.

The problem is that belief is not what you seem to think it is. Belief is not a simple external imposition over which we have no control. Belief is complex. It starts with socializing that begins before we’re old enough to know we’re being taught anything. It includes what we’re explicitly taught and the attitudes we pick up through observation. But it is not just something that happens to us, that we absorb.

Belief includes so many elements of choice, because it includes how treat new information. Do we simply stick our fingers in our ears and yell “LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” at the top of our lungs? Or do allow ourselves to continue to grow and to learn?

When I was a student in Jr and Sr High School, I remember my father telling me to learn certain material “for the test.” I was to learn it, to know it. I needed to so that I could pass tests, but for nothing more. Even as I was learning the Theory of Evolution in school, I was to remember that it was a deception of the Devil, “evilution,” and I almost felt like I was supposed to cross my fingers when answering the questions on the test. I was, essentially, to stick my fingers in my hears and ignore this “new” information that could contradict my belief.

And I did just that for a long time, but that was a choice.

I’ve been told that my understanding of the Bible is, for some, a choice they cannot make, because they would then have no way to deal with life’s hardships. And while that statement was painful because of who said it, it at least acknowledged that belief involves choice.

When you say to member of the LGBTQ community, “I believe what I believe and can not believe otherwise,” you are saying, “And I’m not willing to engage in dialogue which might challenge my beliefs.”

It’s 2013. There are countless resources available that examine the handful of so-called “anti-queer” passages. I’ve even written some–though I need to repost them as they are not currently available. Biblical scholarship, both Christian and Jewish provides good solid methods for engaging these passages that do not dishonor or disrespect scripture, though they might honor it differently from how conservative Christians do. Pastors who are welcoming and affirming have written and preached about this. There are videos and lectures. Some of the resources might be better than others, but the conversation is ongoing, and if you say you can do no differently, that you’re not willing to examine, to be challenged, then you are making a choice.

You are making a choice. Own it as such. You might not change your choice. But own it as a choice, not as something that is simply external to you and beyond your control.

Why I Stay

In September, Ginter Park Baptist Church said no beginning my (re)ordination process. One individual at the meeting referred to it/me as a “Second Controversial Ordination”–words of wounding which continue to stay in my heart and soul, and make it impossible for me to believe that my being a lesbian did not have anything to do with the decision made.

Since that Wednesday evening, I have been in pain (and I admit, not always silently). Whether the church meant to send the message or not, the church made it very clear to me that they were willing to fight for Scott but not for me. They said to me that I do not matter, that the opportunity to right an injustice would make them too uncomfortable.

And it has only gotten worse with the situation with the BGAV. The church pats itself on the back for ordaining a person called of God whom others would have denied because of a God-given difference–and rightfully so!–while either forgetting to or choosing not to mourn that they refused to do so again. Communicating to me, over and over again, that I am “chopped liver.”

People who know my situation outside of the church have asked me why I stay or told me flat out that I should leave. So I want to take a moment to answer why I stay, even when I am so deeply wounded and feel, at times, unsafe at GPBC.

I stay because there are people who voted yes. In fact, more voted yes than no, but our constitution requires a super-majority. Because there are people who love me and care about me. There are people who do not know that we even had this vote who would have voted yes had it not been buried in a Wednesday night.

I stay because I love the people of Ginter Park Baptist Church. Even when I wake up some Sunday mornings dreading going to church, I love the people. I’ve let them in my heart and consider them family.

I stay because of the youth and children of GPBC. I stay because I love them and they constantly let me know how much they love me. I stay because I feel like the work Scott and I are doing with the youth matters.

So the reason I stay at Ginter Park, even when I feel like I’m bleeding out on really bad days or “just” have phantom limb syndrome on better days, even when I feel unsafe, is because I love the people of Ginter Park, am loved, and because of the youth and children.

 

My Own Journey–The Word of the Lord?

I continue to receive links to Religious Herald opinion pieces in support of Ginter Park Baptist Church from well-meaning people in my life. And I do celebrate with Ginter Park the fact that we ordained a gifted and called individual, who also happens to be gay. I try to remember that these individuals are well-intentioned and do support and did vote for me. However, I’m still deeply wounded, and I need people, particularly those at the church, to understand that I’m not ok. I still hurt: A LOT.

Now, having said, let’s move on.

A lot of what I’ve seen, not all of it necessarily, but a lot, is that we who support the full inclusion of the LGBTQ community and LGBTQ individuals within worship believe that those who have a very different world view from our own should be able to “fix” their perspective out of compassion. In a perfect world, this would be true. In a perfect world, we could tell our stories and people we love and people who love us would go, “Oh. Wow, you’re right. I’m sorry.” But we don’t live in a perfect world.

My own journey started in, or right up next to, fundamentalism. I was taught and believed that the Bible was the inerrant God-breathed Word of God. I even remember proudly declaring in eighth grade civics, as we were covering fundamentalism and its role in American history, that I was a fundamentalists. Actually, that’s one of those memories I really wish would fade. When I went to the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics, what my father bragged about the most was that I actually came home more conservative.

So what moved me from a Bible-Thumping near-Fundamentalist to the liberal I am now? What changed how I interpret scripture?

Believe it or not, it was not issues. I managed to figure out how to reconcile issues with the Bible. I learned exegetical principles before I fully had any concept of what exegesis really was.

No, what changed my relationship to the Bible as a whole and my overall worldview was studying the Bible. It was understanding that the Bible is not a monolithic single book with only one perspective on anything and everything. Once I realized that the Bible was a library and that not all the volumes in that library agree with each other, I could begin to respect the Bible in a deeper way. When I began to understand editorial layers and stop trying to reconcile disparities, only then did my worldview open.

In a perfect world, Scott could tell his story, I could tell my story, Matt could tell his story, and so many others I know and respect could tell their stories, and people would be able to step away from worldviews that do not include us at the table. But we don’t live in a perfect world. What we need are not only courageous LGBTQ individuals to embrace their call and allies to stand with us, but we need pastors and Bible teachers in the local churches who have the courage to actually teach what they learned in Seminary rather than just living it at the side of the road in order to protect their jobs. We need for true Bible literacy not to be something that’s limited to one particular educated class.

Because, let’s be honest, this issue is not the last one. The LGBTQ community is not the last “other” that the church needs to bring in. If we want to break this cycle, it cannot be about this one issue. It has to be about re-centering what we mean when we say “the Word of the Lord.”

On the BGAV’s Decision

I’ve not written a lot about this at all, for a couple of reasons, including my own complicated feelings around larger issues of context.

However, there are a couple of misconceptions that I’ve read in comments and other reactions that I’d like to speak to.

Let me start by saying that one of the great things about the Baptist world is that we have freedom of association. Being Baptist does not require us to belong to any particular larger group of Baptists. Relationships between Baptist churches are voluntary.  It means that we as an individual church can choose which groups we belong to and which groups we do not. It also means that any group can choose not to have us as a part of them.

So, yes, the BGAV has every right to not associate with us if they so choose.

I don’t know all the BGAV bylaws, so I’m not going to get into the question as to whether there were any pre-existing requirements that put the BGAV in this position in the first place. I’ll leave that particular point for individuals more familiar than myself.

However, there are some things that BGAV did or failed to do that are very ethically questionable.

First, the fact that the BGAV did not ask the Religious Herald to hold off on publication of the story until after sufficient time for us, Ginter Park Baptist Church, to have received the letter. Because of this, most of the members of our church found out about this decision on the part of the BGAV through the Religious Herald, people posting about it on facebook, or even through the local news.

More importantly, the BGAV is the party that wants to end the relationship, not Ginter Park Baptist Church. However, the BGAV is trying to put Ginter Park Baptist Church in the position of being the one to formally end the relationship.

The metaphor I keep using to describe this move is thus:

If my parents had decided, after I came out to them, that they wanted nothing more to do with me, did not want to remain in any kind of relationship with me, but had also decided that they did not want the guilt of having disowned their daughter, and had come to me and informed me that we could no longer be in relationship and, therefore, I had to disown them, that would be this situation.

Now, before anyone brings up the questions of Baptist Principles, allow me to clear up a couple of other misconceptions:

Ginter Park has not been a member of the Southern Baptist Convention for several years. So to point to SBC values and say that we are in clear violation of them is an irrelevant statement.

Not all Baptists are Southern Baptists. Southern Baptists do not define what it is to be Baptist.

One of the very few agreed upon historic Baptist principals is Autonomy of the Local Church. That means that no larger or outside group gets to dictate to us as a local church whom we ordain, whom we marry, or pretty much any other bit of doctrine or practice. Nor do our voluntary associations bind us in our decisions, unless we so choose.

The ending of this relationship will not result in the confiscation of our church building or land. There is one way in which we might be directly affected, and, as of this time, we do not really know what’s going to happen there, so I’m not going to get into that.

You may agree or disagree with our choice. You may agree or disagree with the BGAV’s choice. But at no point in this process has Ginter Park Baptist Church violated Baptist Principles or acted outside of its understanding of God or Scriptures.