Halloween

Around the time I was in second or third grade, my family stopped doing Halloween. A family tragedy led to my parents believing that Halloween was Satan’s high holy day, and while Christians could not be possessed, we could be oppressed, so better to not give Satan an opening.

To this day my parents are convinced that my sister and I did not miss out, or feel like we did, and I suspect my sister would agree. I remember that despite the fact my parents bought us the candy–candy corn and pumpkins were just fall candy and there as nothing inherently Halloween-y, apparently, about Halloween bite sized candy, especially when you got it on discount on November 1st.

But I remember wishing there were another holiday where we could wear costumes, because, come on, costumes!

I remember having to sit out class parties, but at least I could read, so that wasn’t super horrible, except, you know, cupcakes and candy and chocolate and stuff.

And I remember getting so frustrated explaining that “high holy day” did not mean I thought it was Satan’s birthday!

I wish I were kidding.

I remember thinking “fall festivals” were horrible because it was church’s doing Halloween but pretending not to. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, on duck day, but insists it’s just a water fowl, it’s probably a duck.

We attended, only once thankfully!, a “Hallelujah Night” which was meant to be a Halloween alternative. We wore costumes, but they all looked the same because well, you had to be a Biblical character, and I hadn’t at like 12, met Sandra yet to get the idea to do Jael! All I really remember of that night as the indoctrination about just how horribly satanic Halloween was because it dates back to European pagans who clearly worshiped Satan because they didn’t know any better.

Now, I love Halloween, even if it’s not a big deal here in Germany, and I wish I’d done it as a kid. I don’t believe in Satan. And I find the way my religion has literally demonized the indigenous European religions–and you know most non-Christian religions to be a shameful part of church history (and often present). So I guess this is just one more way that that was really a previous life.

I wouldn’t go back, except maybe to tell myself to be something more awesome than Glinda for my last childhood Halloween. Like maybe Elphaba.

Because or Inspite of? In Which Grammar Reminds of an Important Key to Life

Yesterday, in my German intensive class, we were doing an exercise to review the correct use of conjunctions–which ones to use when. In general, I found this to be very much in the nature of a review and almost boring, but there was one sentence that threw me for a loop.

____ es anfing zu regnen, mussten die Fahrer die Reifen wechseln.

in English:

____ it began to rain, the drivers had to change the tires.

I put “Obwohl” which would translate here as “Despite [the fact that]…” While this did not make perfect sense, I could imagine a situation in which multiple drivers suddenly needed to change their tires despite the fact that it chose that moment to begin raining! Maybe. Like in a cartoon or movie or I don’t know…it’s a stretch, but…

The right answer was “Weil” “Because.”

Why in the world would drivers need to change their tires BECAUSE it had started raining? In what world does that make sense?!

I was confused, but tried to say “never mind” because I thought I was the only one and didn’t want the whole class to get stuck on my serious lost-ness. I mean, I got the grammatical concept, I just could not comprehend this sentence.

He tried to explain, telling me how when the road is wet, one needs different tires from when the road is dry.

In Germany.

Where it rains more often than not.

I respond by asking if that’s a thing here, because what?! I mean, I’d heard of snow tires, but rain tires? Had I just not noticed people getting out when it looks like rain to change their tires?

And that’s when he realized what the problem was. I didn’t get the implied context.

I know several of you are probably going, “Sandy! You lived in Richmond for how long? How did you not get this context immediately?”

I’ll do you one better, I grew up outside Charlotte AND lived in Richmond, including having to drive Laburnum almost daily for one year.

“Formula 1” the teacher says, and all the sudden the sentence makes sense. A race. Oh.

Once I had the context, I was good.

Like with so much context is the key. It might not always be the only key, but it is an important key. When we do not understand the context, whether of scripture, a political claim, or where someone else is coming from, we cannot expect to “get it.” Context is the key.

Sometimes even just to getting the grammar right.

A Prayer for National Coming Out Day

Recognizing that coming out is a deeply personal, often difficult, and all too frequently dangerous process, I give thanks for the beautiful diversity in the human family.

For those who have come out and are living happy, healthy, and fulfilled lives, who likely still encounter challenges but who show that it can be good outside of the closet, I give thanks.

For those who are welcoming and accepting, who offer hugs and warmth, and who provide safety, I give thanks.

For the inexorable but sometimes all too slow move toward justice, equality, and protection, I give thanks.

For increasing and improving visibility in the narratives of our culture and in the halls of power, I give thanks.

For the more fully developing realization of invisibility and issues of privilege within the MOGII community, I give thanks.

Lord, in your graciousness, hear my prayer.

For those who are facing unfair and difficult consequences for coming out, I pray.

For those whose coming out means they are bullied, I pray.

For those who lose loved ones and friends, who feel alienated and alone, because they came out, I pray.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

For those whose security is threatened by coming out, I pray.

For those whose livelihood is jeopardized by being out, I pray.

For those who have lost housing security by coming out, who find themselves without a home, I pray.

For those who live in places where coming out puts their liberty or their lives in peril, I pray.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

For those who feel invisible, even though they are out, I pray.

For those who are marginalized by others who have themselves come out, I pray.

For those who are told that they are not really marginalized because they are bi- or pansexual, because they are a- or demi/gray-sexual, I pray.

For those who are often hurt by the MOGII community because their blurring of gender lines causes confusion to some, I pray.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

For those who are struggling to come to terms with their own identity, I pray.

For those who have heard and believe the lie that they cannot be fully accepted by a loving God, I pray.

For those who believe they must suppress who they are because it is sinful, I pray.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

For those who perpetuate hate and terror in your name, I pray.

For those who reject or threaten, I pray.

For those who belittle or try to “fix,” I pray.

I pray that will find love and forgiveness, that they will understand wholeness and well-being, and come to truly seek those for others.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

For those who marginalize others within the MOGII community, though a part of it themselves, I pray.

For those who fear focusing outside of the issues of homosexual men and women will slow progress, I pray.

For those who demand justice for themselves while denying it to others, I pray.

I pray that we, the MOGII community, will acknowledge the issues of invisibility, privilege, and prejudice and work toward reconciliation.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer.

I confess that sometimes I have been less than aware of how my words will affect those with different journeys than my own, that at times I did not care.

I confess that I have been less than compassionate or defensive in the face of my own privilege being challenged.

I confess that I have not always cared about the justice, mercy, and wholeness of others as much as my own.

Lord, in your wisdom, open my eyes to my own failings so I may more fully be a force, however small, for justice, mercy, and wholeness.

Lord, remind me, that it is not enough to appeal to your graciousness, your mercy, or your wisdom if I am not willing to be your hands.

Amen.

The “Practice of Homosexuality.”

Not surprisingly, the fantastic news of SCOTUS not hearing the appeals to overturn the lower courts’ decisions ruling against bans to gay marriage soon led to the normal conservative outrage. Thankfully, since I no longer listen to certain media, I have not seen too much of this, but it’s still out there. For example this post which claims there is no such thing as gay marriage because you can’t get pregnant–at least he is consistent in that he also calls out marriages with one man and one woman who choose not to have babies, not that he’s right, but he’s consistently wrong (wrong is not the word I want to use here, but I’m trying to be nice!).

And honestly neither he, nor I suspect, the other attacks against marriage equality and couples who happen to identify as the same gender are going to bring anything new to the table. There has been no recent discovery that proves their indefensible point, no study, no anything that adds any new weight to their side. Perhaps that’s why Michelle Bachman called the issue “boring” and Bryan Fischer laments that conservatives are giving up (link). It must get awfully boring to argue the same losing and hole riddled perspective over and over again in a shrinking echo chamber.

But what got me was a letter from the Virginia state leader of a main line denomination seen here. I will admit, to some degree, this just reaffirmed my Baptistness and issues with hierarchy. And yeah, I get it, if you do have a hierarchy and a polity then you are answerable to them even when you perform acts of righteousness. He also calls for a not far off discussion, and despite the fact that it is not my denomination, I can only pray and hope that doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly will lead them to the side of justice and recognizing the full humanity of all people.

The problem, though, was the Christian-ese which is nothing more than an updated form of “hate the sin; love the sinner.”

We, The United Methodist Church, welcome every person regardless of sexual orientation, but we do not condone the practice of homosexuality.

Imagine this for a moment with me.

You go to church and are told you are welcomed and loved, but we don’t recognize the legitimacy of your family–whether that’s just the two of you as a couple or more than two with children. How welcomed do you feel? How comfortable do you feel allowing your child to go to whatever children’s program there is knowing that your child’s family is seen as not really a family. “Regardless of sexual orientation” starts to feel a lot like “despite sexual orientation.”

But more than that is the whole “the practice of homosexuality.” What does that even mean? Or do we know exactly what that means. Does it really mean that it still comes down to sex? That for individuals who are in a relationship with someone of the same gender identity as themselves all that matters is how whatever bits we have interact? Romance, commitment, love, life together, none of that matters because we do sex “wrong”? Is that how they view marriages between two people one of whom is a woman and one a man?

I don’t practice homosexuality. Being a lesbian is part of who I am, and trust me, I tried not to be and failed spectacularly! But it’s about more than the healthy sexual relationship that I hope I one day have, when I meet someone. And when I do, it’ll be about a lot more than sex.

And you know what, if we, this woman I have not yet met and I, decide to have children, we can. We can even do it with one of us getting pregnant. Maybe not the same way as if one of us were a man, but it can still happen.

And if it’s about ick factor and only about sex, I gotta be honest, I don’t really like the practice of heterosexuality, but you know it’s not, or at least it really shouldn’t be.