Why I Stay

In September, Ginter Park Baptist Church said no beginning my (re)ordination process. One individual at the meeting referred to it/me as a “Second Controversial Ordination”–words of wounding which continue to stay in my heart and soul, and make it impossible for me to believe that my being a lesbian did not have anything to do with the decision made.

Since that Wednesday evening, I have been in pain (and I admit, not always silently). Whether the church meant to send the message or not, the church made it very clear to me that they were willing to fight for Scott but not for me. They said to me that I do not matter, that the opportunity to right an injustice would make them too uncomfortable.

And it has only gotten worse with the situation with the BGAV. The church pats itself on the back for ordaining a person called of God whom others would have denied because of a God-given difference–and rightfully so!–while either forgetting to or choosing not to mourn that they refused to do so again. Communicating to me, over and over again, that I am “chopped liver.”

People who know my situation outside of the church have asked me why I stay or told me flat out that I should leave. So I want to take a moment to answer why I stay, even when I am so deeply wounded and feel, at times, unsafe at GPBC.

I stay because there are people who voted yes. In fact, more voted yes than no, but our constitution requires a super-majority. Because there are people who love me and care about me. There are people who do not know that we even had this vote who would have voted yes had it not been buried in a Wednesday night.

I stay because I love the people of Ginter Park Baptist Church. Even when I wake up some Sunday mornings dreading going to church, I love the people. I’ve let them in my heart and consider them family.

I stay because of the youth and children of GPBC. I stay because I love them and they constantly let me know how much they love me. I stay because I feel like the work Scott and I are doing with the youth matters.

So the reason I stay at Ginter Park, even when I feel like I’m bleeding out on really bad days or “just” have phantom limb syndrome on better days, even when I feel unsafe, is because I love the people of Ginter Park, am loved, and because of the youth and children.